Mark Rogers

Archive for the ‘Christian Support’ Category

Leaders are an interesting lot. They often tell others to do things they cannot or do not intend to do when it comes to exhorting the saints to care for one another. I don’t know how many times in my Christian life I have looked at a group of people and told them to both care for one another and to accept care when they need it. I, along with my wife, have often either directly, or through organizing others, provided life giving and sometimes life saving help for other people. And I’ve had the privilege and joy of watching the effect that Biblical care for one another has on the recipient when they are lifted, by other believers, from a place of devastation back to a place of strength, health and spiritual productivity. But as far as receiving that same care….well….that’s another matter.

After all, we’re leaders. We should be the pillars of strength and stability that our onlookers and admirers expect us to be….right? Aren’t we supposed to be able to stand on our own two feet, suck it up, brace up, take the bull by the horns, kick the devil in the teeth……you know…all that stuff? Not according to scripture. According to scripture, the whole body should have the same care for one another. There is no exception for position or authority. It is assumed by scripture that everybody will need help and have to depend on other believers for assistance from time to time.

So, this is my confession and news of my newest revelation. I’ve always felt comfortable asking people to help me with ministry tasks, asking for minor favors, a ride when my car is being repaired. You know, minor, quick favors. And I always looked at that as my part in receiving the benefits of Galatians 6:2 “Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.” But without realizing it, even though we have endlessly involved ourselves in other peoples’ lives and have been thrilled and privileged to do it, I never have really been willing to “bother” anybody with anything serious or time consuming. Until now.

In January of 2009, my mother in law, Pat Mathis, ceased taking chemotherapy that had been keeping cancer at bay for the previous four and a half years. For her, she had come to a place where to “depart and be with Christ is far better”. And she set out on a journey to let the cards fall where they may. And in the absence of a book of Acts miracle, she was headed headlong for eternity. This act set our family on a journey we had never imagined, that would produce a domino effect on us all for nearly nine months.

As Pat became weaker and weaker, she began to need more and more help from her daughters until finally she was needing round the clock care. This started around May and lasted until her death in September. My wife and her sisters began to rotate taking care of Pat at her home. When she had physical bouts that landed her in the hospital, it would take two of them because my father in law was (is) in very poor health and could not stay by himself. This put me in the position of becoming mom and dad to our teenage daughter and taking up all the slack that an absent parent and life partner leaves when they are absent. And as the disease in Pat’s body progressed, my wife’s absences became longer and longer becoming three to five days weekly, and sometimes more during a hospital bout.

Finally, at the end of August, my mother in law went into hospice care at Saint Edwards hospital and this is where she would pass from this life ….nineteen days after she entered. And during that time, my wife and her sisters lived there full time only coming home to shower and get a few supplies. On Friday afternoon, September 18th Pat Mathis’s journey in this life ended as she stepped quietly into heaven.

During this five and a half month ordeal, from May to August, my wife and I were forced into a place of humility that we had not ever experienced before. We found ourselves depending on other people to keep us propped up instead of us being the strength for others. As people began to ask what we needed we began to reluctantly ask them for help. As more and more people came forward with offers to cook, clean, drive, help…..in a hundred ways, they came seeing our multiple dilemmas and one by one taking care of our difficulties and taking care of us. We found ourselves….dependent.

We needed rides for our daughter. We needed food cooked and delivered to our family. On a Wednesday church night in a driving rain with a flat tire and wheel that was seared to the lugs, five men stood out in the church parking lot in the rain and worked on getting that wheel off and getting the spare on to make sure I got going. That’s the first time in my adult life I’ve ever stood by and let other people change a tire for me. Help came from every direction and we took it….had to take it. And there were those close friends who just simply were there all the time, knew instinctively what we needed, knew just what to say and when to say it. We found ourselves in tears more often than not. Not because of my mother in law, but because of the overwhelming reality of what God was providing through the multitude of people who showed up and never relented until we were through it.

Between the time Pat passed away and the end of the funeral four days later, a never ending supply of delicious food was delivered to our family, and not one thing that we needed done, other than funeral arrangements, had to be done by us. At the end of it all, we stood speechless with a lot of repair now needed for our lives, but under the full realization that we will never be the same, changed forever by the stunning illustration of what it means for the members of the body of Christ to care for one another. And because of this experience, while we will continue to serve God and do whatever we can to bring strength to others, I don’t expect we will ever again exclude ourselves from the care of the body of believers who held our hands up and our lives together for five and a half months.

Because when it comes to the body of Christ, we should always embrace dependence.